Before your journey

To travel the world and see its wonders has long been the calling of mankind. Our lives are remarkably short, and so most of us never get to see all that the world has to offer. For this reason, most people write a list of `places to visit before you die'. This list commonly includes illustrious locations like Ayers Rock in mythical Australia, Iguazu Falls in exotic Brazil, and of course the greatest wonder of modern times: the ultimate megalopolis, Con City.

Tourism is in fact one of the major sources of revenue in not just Con City, but the entirety of Con County. This is no surprise, as the more than fifty thousand square mile county offers a plethora of tourist magnets and majestic sights to passing visitors. It is important, however, to bear in mind that Con City is the most violent city in the world and its surroundings are almost as perilous.

Therefore, the first and most important task of any travel guide to Con City is to offer a convenient checklist of essentials needed to ensure a pleasant stay in this wild land. Please consult the checklist below before you embark upon your journey.

Hitchhiker's Checklist To Con City:

1. Do you know where your bullet proof body armor is?

2. Do you know where your assault rifle is?

3. Do you have enough ammunition for your journey?

4. Do you have life insurance?

And most of all:

5. Are you sure you don't want to go see Chernobyl instead?

As you will gather from the tale that is about to unfold, the eleven brave souls whose journey I was to chronicle had chosen to ignore every item on the above checklist. Needless to say this decision filled their tour of Con County with thrills, excitement, and mayhem.

While this was obviously their intention, I firmly believe that not a single one of them had any idea what they were getting themselves into. Nevertheless I suspect they have no regrets, in spite of all that came to pass.