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The Brickton Airbag Ban

posted Apr 24, 2015, 3:25 AM by Viktor Zólyomi   [ updated Apr 24, 2015, 3:25 AM ]
The following article was written by Jonathan Parker and was originally published in the Brickton Herald.

The town of Brickton, Con County, is banning the use of airbags in all vehicles effective next month. The controversial decision was met with protests all over town from citizens and human rights groups alike.

"We will not stand for this!" an unnamed protester said at the latest demonstration at the Town Hall. "We demand our airbags, we demand the right to survive crashing into school buses at a 100 miles per hour!"

Mayor Stanley Greekhorse, the strongest supporter of the new law, defended his decision to make car travel less safe. In fact, he argues that the move will lead to a reduction in the number of accidents.

"People drive more recklessly with airbags installed." he stated. "They feel too safe and expect to survive any collision. Now imagine if they had no seat belts, no airbags, nothing. Would they still drive over the speed limit? Would they still be so careless on the road? I highly doubt it."

Mayor Greekhorse's comments sparked further unrest in the citizens of Brickton, though he was quick to point out that seat belts will remain legal for the time being. He also provided a more detailed explanation for the ban on airbags.

"This decision was a necessity." he explained. "For the past several years the airbags have been the number one reason for car vandalism. Few people know that there is gold in those airbags, but criminal elements are first among them. Last year the Brickton Police have received over two thousand reports of airbag thefts, the majority of the cars left with a smashed windshield. While you may think that forcing a car open for a few grams of gold seems excessive, let me remind you that we live in a hard economy. In any case, people have been demanding a solution for this phenomenon, and we have provided it. By removing the airbags we remove the motivation of the thieves. I expect a large drop in car part theft."

Many of the Mayor's critics argue that items such as car stereos and GPS systems will remain tempting targets, to which the Mayor offered to ban these items as well if citizens are concerned. Protesting groups throughout Brickton have been silent regarding this matter.

A final note of concern for the people of Brickton is the removal of the illegal airbags. While a bit of DIY skill is all it takes to remove the airbag (as demonstrated by Brickton's airbag thieves over the past year), the new law requires that the local authorities issue a certificate proving that the airbag has been removed. The certificate is only issued if the airbag is removed by an authorized mechanic. A long waiting list prohibits over half the population of Brickton from obtaining the certificate by the deadline, which threatens to land them with a fine.

"Not to worry." said the Mayor. "I have personally set up a new company called Antiairbag Solutions, to serve the unfortunate citizens on the waiting list. The company employs professional car mechanics and is officially registered as an airbag ban authority. Antiarbag Solutions can, for a small fee, remove the airbag and provide the legally required certificate to prove that the vehicle complies with the new law. They will also relieve the vehicle owners of the burden of disposing of the airbags."

When asked what will be done with the gold components salvaged from the airbags by the Town Council and Antiairbag Solutions, Mayor Greekhorse assured that they will be used for a noble cause in his upcoming re-election campaign.