Daylight Savings

posted Mar 21, 2018, 3:15 PM by Viktor Zólyomi
The daylight savings scheme has been in use all over the world for a very long time. Its purpose is to cut down on the costs of lighting in the summer when the days are long, and it achieves this by pushing the clock forward by one hour, resulting in the population having to climb out of bed an hour earlier than in the winter. Many people criticize the scheme for making their lives needlessly complicated. A recent article by top scientists at the University of Con City discusses daylight savings and reveals a thing or two about the scheme that you may be unaware of.

`I fully understand everyone's frustration,' says Professor van der Bishop, leader of the research group behind the article. `Getting up early is in general very unpleasant, and getting up an extra hour earlier is even worse. But the daylight savings scheme is in place for good reasons, albeit not the reasons on which the media outlets like to focus.'

Statistics have demonstrated time and again that the daylight savings scheme reduces electricity usage and thereby saves money for everyone. However, the Professor has pointed out that the amount of usage reduction is in fact quite small.

`The gross savings are considerable but the net savings are negligible,' the Professor states. `Consider, that getting up early leads to an increase in coffee consumption, which means more electricity is spent on operating the coffee machines than during winter. Likewise, people set the volume of the TV and the radio much higher in the morning in order to stay awake, which again increases power consumption. Honestly, it's easy to see why many people believe the daylight savings scheme is not worth the trouble. But there's more to this than electricity.'

Switching to summer time or back is very similar to jumping over into a neighboring time zone. The Professor argues that the daylight savings scheme helps us learn how to better cope with jet lag on short haul flights.

`The stress of getting used to a new time zone keeps some people from traveling far,' he says. `That's an unfortunate blow to tourism, and also robs these people of valuable life experiences. With the daylight savings we all get to experience what it's like to step just a little outside our comfort zone, and when people see that it's really not so bad, they become more willing to go on a long distance holiday. It's good for them, good for tourism, good for the economy. Especially the economy, considering how much money people spend on coffee, energy drinks, and sleeping pills in the summer.'

The complexity of the daylight savings scheme does not stop there. The Professor reveals that without it, we could potentially face a risk of famine.

`Birds are the biggest reason why we absolutely need the daylight savings scheme,' Professor van der Bishop explains. `You might have heard the saying that the early bird gets the worm. What can I say, it's an understatement. As soon as birds are up, they go hunting, mercilessly and with brutal efficiency. They eat all the worms they can find. Therefore, fishermen are stuck with the leftovers, meaning, they can barely catch any worms to use as bait. And worms are still the best lure for fishing, hence if we are to avoid a shortage of fish on the market, we have to beat the birds to the worms.'

And so we rely on the daylight savings scheme to guarantee a steady supply of fish in the supermarkets. One might wonder then why we don't just adjust working hours such that we begin our day early all year long, why we even have winter time. Professor van der Bishop has the terrifying answer.

`If we didn't allow the birds to have the advantage at least during the winter, they would kill us all,' he says. `Or at the very least claw all our eyes out. With their beaks. And that's another reason why we need the daylight savings scheme. If we take their worms all year round, they'll kill us. If we let them have the worms in the winter, they'll tolerate us. But if we surrender the worms to them in the summer as well, they will smell our fear and enslave us. Knowing that, I'm sure everyone can agree that getting up early for six months is not such a bad thing.'

If you would like to gain a better understanding of the daylight savings scheme, request a reprint of the Professor's new research article, `Why the daylight savings literally save us from a life of servitude in an avian dominated dystopia,' from the Department of Bullshitology - where Professor van der Bishop serves as Head of Department - at the University of Con City.

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