Jonathan Parker Interviews Jonathan Parker

posted Feb 27, 2016, 12:02 PM by Viktor Zólyomi   [ updated Feb 27, 2016, 12:07 PM ]
The following interview with Jonathan Parker was conducted by Jonathan Parker. It has never been published before, since no self respecting media outlet would print such a spectacular display of self-indulgence. Except for us. Because we have no standards.


When the name of Con City is brought up, the common man thinks of one thing and one thing only: tourism. A constant member on every top ten list of hottest holiday destinations, Con City attracts tourists from around the world. Hence it was timely for someone to write a travel guide about it. The following Q/A session with Jonathan Parker, author of Hitchhiker's Guide To Con City, sheds light on the circumstances of the birth of the much needed tourist guide.

JP: "How did you become involved with the project?"

Jonathan Parker: "I was contacted by Reaper Travels to join one of their tours of Con County. They wanted me to join the tourists and document their journey in a travelogue."

JP: "How much of Con County did the tour cover?"

Jonathan Parker: "Every major settlement. Brickton, Desert Rock, Greenwell, Black Lake, Ghost Town, and as the last stop, Con City, where we spent half the tour."

JP: "What was it like, sightseeing in your place of birth?"

Jonathan Parker: "It was surprisingly rewarding. I was born in Con City and lived all my life here, but I had not been to every corner of the county. Of course I knew all about what there was to see, I just never had the time to actually go and see them. I had never been to the Greenwell All Stars Arena, for example, or the Con City Nuke Plant for that matter. I am truly grateful to Reaper Travels for the opportunity."

JP: "How accommodating was Reaper Travels?"

Jonathan Parker: "The best I could ask for. They devised the tour with precision, provided us a luxury tour bus for the journey, along with a highly experienced driver, and even arranged for a couple of very special treats such as the Adrenaline Walk at the Crash-o-ring race track or the visit to the Con City Space Harbor. They are the best touristic company I have ever worked with. I am contractually obliged to say that, by the way."

JP: "Can you tell us more about the bus driver you mentioned?"

Jonathan Parker: "Sure. Larry has been doing these tours for years so he doubled as the tour guide. He demonstrated good driving skills and knew the best places to visit. I won't claim he had the best social skills but he certainly did his job."

JP: "But your book is called Hitchhiker's Guide To Con City. Why, if you took a bus?"

Jonathan Parker: "I don't want to give away why or how but we took a part of the journey by hitchhiking. This, in fact, is a fundamentally important message in my tourist guide: you can never avoid hitchhiking in Con County, no matter how you plan your journey."

JP: "Tell us about the tourist group. What kind of people come to Con City for vacation?"

Jonathan Parker: "It's either people who have heard the stories of life around here and don't believe a word of it, or thrillseekers who want to participate in the extreme conditions of life in Con City and its surroundings. This particular group was a little of both and culturally quite diverse; it included people from Asia, Europe, South America, and Australia, representing various walks of life. We had truck drivers, stock brokers, and even a sculptress. The message here is clear: everyone wants to see Con City."

JP: "Thank you for spelling that out for the audience. What can we expect from Hitchhiker's Guide To Con City?"

Jonathan Parker: "What can I say, Con City has a reputation for being the most exciting place in the world, which is in part due to the extreme levels of violent and not so violent crime in the area. My tourist guide does nothing to tarnish that reputation. Con City is a dangerous place and everyone should take the utmost care when visiting it. I offer a convenient checklist for prospective travelers that everyone should heed. Unlike the eleven extremely brave tourists whom I accompanied on this tour."

JP: "Just out of curiosity, does your checklist include a towel?"

Jonathan Parker: "No. In fact, a motto of every tour of Con City could be: no towel can save you."

JP: "So provided one adheres to the suggestions in your checklist, what can prospective tourists expect to see in Con County?"

Jonathan Parker: "In a nutshell: thrills, excitement, and mayhem. I could elaborate, but that would require the hundred or so pages that my tourist guide spans. It's easier if people just read my guide, instead."

JP: "So you're saying that the guide is there for people to get a glimpse of what they could expect on a tour of the area?"

Jonathan Parker: "Yes, that's what any good tourist guide does. I can assure you, those who read Hitchhiker's Guide To Con City will know exactly what to expect if they ever set foot in the most exciting and dangerous plot of land in the known universe."

JP: "Last question: would you ever write a sequel?"

Jonathan Parker: "No. I have no desire to go on another tour under any circumstances. If Reaper Travels wants one, which I doubt very much, they'll have to hire someone else to write it. Unless of course I can join the next tour via a remote controlled drone, observing everything that happens from the safety of a bunker three miles beneath the streets of Con City."

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