Hades Interview

posted Sep 26, 2014, 4:08 AM by Viktor Zólyomi
The following article-style interview was conducted by Jonathan Parker and was originally published in the Con City Times.

A man in a purple silk shirt occupies a gigantic and very comfortable looking leather office chair behind an elaborate mahogany desk. His sneakered feet rest atop the table as he leans back and plays with a lock of his long hair with one hand and rubs his beard with the other. Some would believe this is a hippie from days gone by. On the contrary. This is the most successful businessman in the town of Desert Rock. He calls himself Hades and he's proud of it.

“I chose the name because it sounded cool.” he explains. “My Vice President Ralphie seems to think I chose it for its Roman origins or something, so that it would radiate a sense of majesty. Yeah, sure, I suppose that helps, but I really just picked it because it sounded good. As for my real name? Well, this interview is on a need-to-know basis, Jonathan, and this is something no one needs to know.”

Arguably the most eccentric millionaire in the county, Hades named not only himself but also his firm after the Greek god of the Underworld. An odd choice considering that the Hades Corporation is basically a retailer of electronic items.

“Computers, tablets, cell phones, if it runs on electricity and you can check your email with it we have it on sale.” Hades elaborates. “We are the biggest retailer of electronic equipment in Con County. No one can touch us, and if they could, well, we would destroy them in an instant with... let's just say, with our aggressive business strategy.”

Indeed, the Hades Corporation knows almost no rivals in the county today. The company launched a mere ten years ago and over this past decade rival companies CompTech Industries, Mason&Mason Computers, and even the former county-wide chain Con County Electronics have all gone out of business. For the past two years the Hades Corporation has had only one rival in ConComp Electronics and the two firms seem to be on good terms. Some have predicted a merger between the two companies but the CEOs of both firms have denied such rumors. Rather, with profits skyrocketing above expectations for the sixth year in a row, the Hades Corporation is looking to expand.

“It's time we went global.” Hades offers. “Supply and demand are the two things that govern sales, and we certainly have the supplies to meet the demands of the entire country. We are about to open several branches in top cities, and the plan is to go overseas within the next two years. Today, the country, tomorrow, the world!”

Expansion plans aside, the eccentric millionaire already has his hands full with managing a multitude of offices across the county. Notably, the Hades Corporation is present in Con City yet the headquarters of the firm are located in Desert Rock, a small town of a mere twenty thousand occupants. An odd choice, some would say, yet the CEO begs to differ.

“I know the rumors.” he explains. “They say we have our headquarters here in Desert Rock in order to pay less taxes. That's a load of bullshit. We are... honest taxpaying citizens, our profits are through the roof, why would we try to evade taxes? No, the reason we are based here is that the CEO must be at the headquarters and I prefer it here over Con City. It's a nice quiet little town. Peaceful, with friendly people, and a wonderful environment. It makes me more productive, and a productive CEO makes for a productive company. In turn, a productive company means more tax income for the county. Everyone wins!”

The productive CEO promptly dismisses the interviewer's suggestion that he may find an even more peaceful and idyllic community in the town of Black Lake on the far side of the county. “Hell no! The coffee and the lemon cake are too good in the cafes of Black Lake for me to live there.”

Moving on to his hobbies, Hades reveals that he is a proud owner and expert pilot of a state-of-the-art helicopter. A large golden trophy is framed on the wall above his desk. He smiles like a giddy teenager as he reminisces about his great victory. “It was a triumph of epic proportions. I had the best pilots in the county as my competition. However, I have the fastest chopper. It can make it from here to Con City in just three hours, in fact. You couldn't do that with a Runamok Mustang what with all the traffic near Con City, not even if you run down all the pedestrians. But me? I'm there and back before the cops could arrest you for irresponsible driving. Winners don't drive cars, Jonathan, they fly helicopters. Remember that.”

In closing, the CEO offers a glimpse into the newest ventures of his firm, which he expects to propel the Hades Corporation to never before seen heights. “Pen drives. You know them, right? Memory sticks, USB sticks, whichever name you prefer. Yeah, some companies want to abolish the damn things, they see the future in cloud storage. Guess what? They're wrong! Everybody likes their data backed up locally, on something they can lock in their safe in the bedroom. Well imagine if we had a pen drive with a capacity bigger than the biggest hard drive on the market today. I'm talking thousands of terabytes here, in the palm of your hand, and at a very affordable price. You can store your entire home made sex video library on it in full HD resolution. In addition, we will bundle them with our custom made anti-virus software at no extra cost, so no one will need to worry about things like that pesky Burnout virus ever again. Which gives us just another reason to go global. We can save the world and make it into a safer place for everyone.”

The man in the purple silk shirt smiles with confidence as he reaffirms his intention to become a global leader of the electronics industry. “Small time is history, Jonathan. Once, we were just a small local retailer. The entire county is in our grasp now. Our virus... killer software, and especially our super-sized pen drive, will make us into market leaders I assure you, and all this while we save the world. With the Hades Corporation, everyone wins!”

Having made his point, the eccentric CEO shoos the interviewer out of his office and goes back to work with the passion of an industrialist of old. Eccentric or no, strange name or no, no one can deny that Hades and his company are changing the world as we know it. Keep an eye out for those pen drives and that anti-virus software, for if the company's reputation is any indication, it will be a killer product.

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