Fast Lane Prison Riot

posted Mar 25, 2016, 6:15 AM by Viktor Zólyomi   [ updated Mar 25, 2016, 6:19 AM ]
The following article was written by Jonathan Parker and was originally published in the Con City Times.


A leisure exercise at Con City Penitentiary led to disastrous results for nearly one hundred inmates. Warden Quentin Jones had organized a reading challenge for the more than six thousand convicted felons incarcerated at the prison in an effort to spice up their lives with literature, which led to a riot breaking out within fifteen minutes of starting the event.

"I thought a little Shakespeare would liven the boys up, but I didn't think they would go this far," the Warden said about the event. "Perhaps we should have started the reading challenge with Romeo and Juliet, and not with Macbeth."

According to members of the prison staff who were closest to the action, the riot broke out over an argument regarding who would get to read from a supposedly autographed copy of Macbeth, printed in 1987. The fisticuffs quickly escalated into a full scale riot.

The death toll started to mount when several fires broke out in Cell Block B and dozens of inmates ended up stuck inside while the prison staff tried to simultaneously combat the flames and contain the riot.

"It was Hell on Earth," Warden Quentin Jones said. "Firefighters couldn't get to the prison in time due to the traffic in the city, so it spread to the entire block before we could even try to douse the flames. The smell of burning flesh was everywhere, like the fart you make after eating a hot dog. We lost good men in there. May they rest in peace, the poor bastards. At least we managed to save all the books."

Warden Jones and his staff fortunately managed to get the situation under control before it could have turned into an outright catastrophe. While their efforts saved the lives of over six thousand inmates, they couldn't save the thirty-four people who burned alive in Cell Block B, nor could they stop a shockingly large group of sixty prisoners from walking right out the front gate at the height of the chaos.

"No one expected them to make a run for it," Warden Jones said. "Why, most these people have been here so long it's like their home. But I suppose there are always a few deviants who just don't like their parents' stew."

The sixty escaped inmates successfully made it so far out the walls that the prison staff could not pursue them any more. While the Warden contacted the police as soon as he was made aware of the escape, the prisoners had plenty of time to make a successful getaway. Their only mistake was to run in a poorly chosen direction.

"They went straight for the Crash-o-ring," stated a prison guard who chose to remain anonymous. "Saw the whole thing from the tower. Asked the boss if I should snipe them off or something but he kept going on about those guys being like children to him and threatened to fire my ass if I so much as grazed them. So I just watched as they ran to the race track."

The Crash-o-ring, the race track in the outermost regions of West Side Con City, is barely a mile from the prison facility. Race cars are regularly left parked in the garages inside the pit stalls at the trace track, which made the Crash-o-ring an obvious choice for securing getaway vehicles. The escaped prisoners stopped half way to the race track when the sounds made them realize that a race was in progress.

"I saw the whole thing through the sniper scope," the anonymous prison guard said. "They spent two minutes standing around and waving their arms about, arguing what to do, most like. And then they ran for the Crash-o-ring even faster. My guess is they realized that although they wouldn't have much of a chance stealing the race cars any more, they would have a very easy time stealing the cars of the audience from the parking lot."

The group of inmates circled around the race track to the parking lot, but found it guarded by electrified barbed wire fences, patrolling security guards, and pitbulls. Having found considerably higher security measures than the ones which they were used to at the prison, they quickly turned around and headed into the Crash-o-ring to try and hijack the race cars in the middle of the race. Much to their misfortune, the ongoing race was a junk derby.

"It was quite a sight to behold," the anonymous prison guard recounted. "I only saw half the race track through my scope because the tribune was obscuring the rest of it, but it was enough. Those idiots jumped the barriers and ran straight into the race track, carrying crowbars, lead pipes, and massive bolt cutters that they must have found inside the garages. They stood in the path of the race cars and waved their weapons to force the cars to stop. I don't know if they saw in the dust cloud that the first vehicle was a monster truck, but I somehow doubt it."

Witnesses at the race confirmed the above statements and reported that the race quickly transitioned from a junk derby into who can run over more escaped inmates. As law in Con County states that anyone who enters the Crash-o-ring without a valid ticket automatically loses the right to exist, the racers and the organizers wasted no time exercising their law-given rights.

The audience erupted in cheers as the driver of the monster truck, known by the stage name Big Bully, quickly took the lead on the scoreboard. One lap later Big Bully was so far ahead he was sure to be crowned the winner, until the surviving prisoners managed to make a run for it into the ticket offices.

A rival racer known as Swift Harry, driving an armor plated Cutler Firebird, managed to make it into the ticket offices ahead of him. As Big Bully's monster truck was significantly harder to maneuver inside the narrow corridors, Swift Harry was racking up kills and eventually overtook Big Bully on the scoreboard. The action inside the ticket offices was captured by the security cameras and transmitted to a hastily erected canvas in the middle of the race track with a projector, much to the delight of the audience.

In a last ditch effort to save the contest, Big Bully reverted to the junk derby routine and tried to ram the Firebird. Swift Harry saved himself by executing a well timed drift, and the monster truck smashed through the wall of the offices and came to a halt in the showers. Swift Harry picked up the victory by five points, and was hailed as a hero by the crowd when he drove back out to the race track.

"It was a sad day," said Warden Quentin Jones about the events at the Crash-o-ring. "Some of those poor souls were good men at heart."

Sergeant Jack Westwood of the Con City Police Department, who was on the tribune at the Crash-o-ring on his day off when the massacre happened, stated that he was "very happy that all the drivers at the race saw the opportunity to fix some of the mistakes of the justice system."
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